I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
