I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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