Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize