Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
