she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think i have herpe
just one?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
