Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
