you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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