You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
