Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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