you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
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All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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