Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
