I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
