i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
