i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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