I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
