Non-Jews are for practice
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
