Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
