i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
