your parents love me but you hate me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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