one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my vagina is haunted
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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