How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
