I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
