i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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