Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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