I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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