are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
