You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
