1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
