She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
