Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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