Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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