what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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