Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
