hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize