It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize