I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize