You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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