i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
