My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
