I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
