She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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