addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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