The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
