This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize