Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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