That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
