I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize