We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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