The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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