she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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