Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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