I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
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wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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