took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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