I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
