Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
