My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
