He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
