i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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