So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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