i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize