so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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