farters have to be the big spoon...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
