Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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