He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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