wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can feel your judgement through the phone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
