just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
