people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
